A steady descent.

I wasn't expecting such a quick descent. I didn't have a bad day, just a slow day, with lots of unnecessary feelings of irritation or anger. I think I would consider myself lucky to have my mum live in the same area, especially because a little help with the kids goes a long way...or so I think.

I have some unresolved areas of tension with my mum.  I don't really want to open that treacle jar right now, but I easily become quite irritated with her 'ways'.

So what happens when Ian gets home?  I make a smart comment because he comes in, leaves his bike leaning against the fridge and freezer door, opens another fridge, pours himself a glass of wine and says 'Yum, dinner', fills his plate to excess and sits at the table to eat.

My body fills with the excess tension from a day biting my tongue and then fills with just enough more, which everyone knows, equals a smart comment.

And WOW, it surprises me how quickly Ian snaps back.

I am so disappointed because i think I have been making great strides in the being reasonable stakes and here comes the poor me bit, Ian hasn't noticed. Straight away I need recognition, and its been two days, and Ive been really nice and its been a huge HUGE effort, and I have not been acknowledged.  Before I know it I am telling him this, like he should be so very grateful (he should) and that by not noticing any of the efforts I have made, it asserts my view that he doesn't appreciate me enough.

And that's the crux of it.  And I am annoyed.

I tidied up the house with anger, not pleasure, and it spoilt my day.

I will learn.

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