time for some identifiable areas

Got back from shopping this afternoon and had to make a note of a little interaction I had at the cake counter ( I don't know how I found myself there). Aimee was blabbering on about having a chocolate cake for her and a cookie with smarties on for brown teddy and asking whether we could take the huge £45 birthday cake for her friends at the picnic. I looked at a man who was waiting his turn and raised my eyes to the heavens and he said " your beautiful daughter has made my day, these are the best days of your life" and I found myself saying "you're right, they are fun" which really wasn't how I felt for the 7 hours leading up to that point in the day, but somehow, somebody else saw what was probably obvious. Saw the pure moment.

Starting a list today. Here we go.

1. Bring up my children positively

2. Remember why I got married

3. Clear out stuff

4. Plan and organise

5. Create a wealth of family memories

6. Have some hobbies or interests

7. Fine friends and find friends

8. Forgiveness

9. Change how I react

10. See the funny side

11. A week when I do, a week when I don't

12. A letter a day for a month

13. Be nice

14. Clean up my act

15. I never knew that

16. Help, I need some body 

and last but not least

17. See the bleedin' obvious.

More to come.

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unidentified missing something or other

So this is the start of a project for me. A problem that I have identified many times.

I am just not happy enough.

I often find myself saying things like oh I should be happy, I have a husband, and kids, great friends, my health, a roof over my head, but god dammit, that's not enough.

My question is this.

What can I do to fix the infinite amount of worries or concerns I have about how my life is going.

I am 40 in October and I cant help wondering if this is it.  Is this how I am to be for the rest of my days, slightly jealous of friends, somewhat annoyed and irritated with my husband, angry at my kids, endlessly writing to do lists, nagging and blaming and wishing my days would go quicker? 

I want to be great, I want to be satisfied, I want to laugh at moments that require more patience than I have, I want to make a great salad, I want to walk more than take the car, I want to look back on my time with young children and smile fondly, I want more pegs in my peg bag, I need to chuck more stuff, I want to see if I can sing, I want to finish all those nagging jobs, I want to stop blaming others, I want to mend friendships, I want to stop rushing, I want to enjoy food, stop gossiping, acquire a new skill, tell more jokes, love my husband more, meditate, floss and exfoliate... and on and on and on...

But how?

I know what I want to do, I know how I want to be, but how do I get there.

Unfortunately I am yet to find an answer but I am blogging to watch how I find it out and in the meantime, let you, whoever you are, well no one right now, but maybe someone someday, be a part of that too.

Firstly to my blog design, safety in making things look pretty rather than actually tackling the hard stuff!

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